Sleep. Sleep. More sleep.
All I can do these days in my free moments is sleep. My mind races in a million directions as I juggle responsibilities new and old; starting a business, caring for family, making content, running a household. Yet all I can do in my moments of spare breath is sleep.
I want to enjoy the days. I want to pick up lost hobbies. I want to dedicate more time to my crafts. But I feel so drained, so exhausted; even the smallest tasks take a million spoons, and I usually wake up with only 7-12 to give. I trudge through, surprising even myself, but I feel the candle melting and the end is in sight.
I need to change something before I burn out. I can’t afford to burn out. Not now, not ever.
It’s not fair when our world is designed to push one to the limit, that even healthy and ‘normal’ people are made to suffer to the brink. Those with minds like yours and mine can feel the walls closing in, the air cutting off. In these moments, my mind wants nothing more but to retreat; to hide in a place that is safe, secure. Dark and isolated. Soothing and peaceful, where the senses are blocked and only the words of dreams reach me.
I try to push through. Extra large coffees and increasing medication dosages. Vodka sodas and lifting weights. But I feel my grasp slipping, when I feel so close to achieving something valuable, and I fear if I can’t control my exhaustion, I’ll lose this chance for a better life. It’s a battle of the wills and my sleeping mind wants to win. Maybe it is trying to tell me something, something important. Maybe I should listen.
Maybe I do need to choose to sleep before my body makes the choice for me.
Leave a Reply